Inspiration

Inspiration can be hard to come by. I have been reading, what I feel are, strategically placed quotes that speak to my life as I see it right now. The past year was an interesting one, considering all the friendships that came and went. A few stuck around and I am oh so thankful for those. I realized that many of the people I have met brought something out in me. I learned little things that I didn't like about myself and also understood the whole idea of keeping the ones that matter around you. My life hasn't been the easiest and not too many people know or know why...but I think with some hope and these subtle signs that continue to pop up... There is hope that things will be better.

Have you ever spent a day or days thinking about what if? What if I would of made this decision instead of that one? Or should I of quit or stayed? Many days in the ending of last year I had asked myself several what if like questions...I read in a magazine the other night that if you give thought to what could of been simply means you are not fully satisfied of where you are. You are to look into yourself and find what it is that YOU want..not others.

Growing up in a home where it mattered about what people thought of us, or me, or whoever...left me with this obscure sense of people and friends in my life. Are they with me because of me? Or was I just what they needed at that time. My mom always told me to "play the part in the movie" that life is just simply that..a movie.. But the older I get, I don't want to play the parts that are requested by the people around me. I want to be me. I want to act as myself and whomever stays, were true. With that said, I did do that task last year. Part of it was out of spite, I admit, but at first the intention was there. You tend to lose sight when you see certain people walk away that you thought would be there no matter what. Slowly I began to distance myself as well from people whom brought negativity into my life. THAT got interesting, seeing as though, getting rid of the negative only seemed to bring drama and in turn moments of "why did I even bother, I should of just left it alone". But, I am glad I didn't and proud of my actions and decisions. I am sad that some people are not in my life, many of which I had a bond with and it could of been something great. I have always said, "in a friendship, I should never feel as though I am dating you...if that is the case, I'm sorry, but its over".

Now how does this tie into the above about inspiration? Am I not bubbling on about my problems and getting rid of drama?? Well, a friend of mine, whom I met last year, she has posed the question or rather the statement..."Waste not Want not". Let me explain... A blog has been created that I encourage you to follow. Amomwithoutfacebook.blogspot.com is an extraordinary concept of ridding your life of wasteful moments. The explanation of her departure from Facebook spoke to me. How many times have I been at a stop light, in a drive thru, sitting at home watching a movie with the kids, or hanging with my husband, and found myself checking Facebook for updates on friends and family. I believe that in my own personal makeup that I have shy'd from crowds or getting to know new people out of sheer anxiety. "What if they don't like me? or What if I look awful? or am perceived wrong?" (quick side note..thanks Mom for that!) But you know what?? Facebook has placed that wedge in between truly seeing how someone is doing via phone, in person, or mail and replaced it with an automated satisfaction of "well I don't need to call, he/she is doing just fine". Are they really?

I admire Heather for her journey. I think eliminating certain elements of ones life can be extremely beneficial, as is letting go. In many ways I see myself in awe by her. Giving your 100% undivided attention these days seems next to near impossible, but completely doable if you are willing. I have many goals set for myself in this year and this lifetime. I only hope that the passion and dream I have for photography continues to inspire me. Given my above rant, I only hope to better myself as a photographer, maintain inspiration, drive, and genuinely and whole-heatedly believe in myself as an artist. Some of you may see the connection in this soap box style thought process, others may not. In any event... I look forward to the spark that was just ignited in me and applaud Heather for her efforts.. It is truly humbling to realize how out of touch I was, even though I had the world at my finger tips..

One of my inspirations

The two main Inspirations in my Life!